Tuesday Night Boiled 5/12/20

I'm a simple woman. I don't need much. Three solid meals a day. A good book to read at night. A wistful, panoramic view from my bedroom window. Oh, and a sweet episode of WWE's Monday Night Raw somewhere in-between.

Last night's episode had me humming, with warm tinglies in my belly, and glowing with good cheer. And this time, it wasn't just from the sweaty, grunting, nearly-naked men. 

Becky Lynch is gonna be a mom! Finally announcing it to the WWE Universe, she tearfully relinquished the women's title (held for nearly 400 days), took one last longing look at the ring, and was welcomed to cheers and hugs by a select few superstars once backstage.

I actually think it's a good time for her to go - Coronavirus notwithstanding. I mean, she hasn't been defending the title very much - leaving her relevancy hanging a bit precariously. In addition, I humbly posit that The Man's upsurge to greatness was just running out of steam overall. So why not go out on a good note? In any case, the WWE roster's reception of the news, and Becky's endearing delivery of it, provided a heart-warming segment. And not like she'll read this post, nor learn of my overall existence, ever, but I wish her all the best!

But not everyone had the same uplifted reaction to Becky's news. And as happy as I am for her, please allow me to say without any misconstrued hypocrisy that Shayna Baszler was the absolute star of the night. She delivered her own scathing congratulations for Becky to backstage interviewer Charly Caruso. See below for her response when asked for her reaction to the news,

“Reaction? How stupid do you have to be to get knocked up when you’re the champion? Here’s a fact: 10 out of 10 mothers will try to convince you that pregnancy didn’t ruin their careers. You’re trying to tell me Becky Lynch becomes the longest reigning Raw women’s champion and throws that all away just to house some miserable parasite? Imagine: The Man, barefoot, on the couch eating bon bons. Yeah, that kid’s gonna suck.” You know who the father is? Yeah, I rest my case.”

And then she snorted (spewing some extra saltiness from her nostrils), and walked off.

Jaw, meet Floor.  

Just amazing. Again, it's great news that Becky will begin her new title-run as WWE Supermom (ugh, how lame am I?), but Shayna, man, those were some choice-cut meaty remarks! Perfect from an up-and-coming heel. It incites shock and outrage, and most importantly, the perfect temperature of heat to rouse up from the fans. Shayna is so bad it's goooooood. I absolutely loved it.

And she didn't stop there. A little later, when Natalya (who is in a long-standing, albeit childless, marriage with fellow WWE Superstar, Tyson Kidd) confronted Shayna with some well-meaning admonishment, Shayna snarled back, "What do you know about motherhood? We all know the Hart Dynasty ends with you..." Pants, meet Pee. Shayna Bayszler, you monster, I love you!! Let's be friends! I almost want you to destroy me, too! But with more than words. You can trick-invite me to meet you and your buddies at your place for happy hour, but then stop me right before I enter the door (because naturally you need some help carrying the goodies from your car back inside). Then, while I'm waiting behind your jeep as you get behind the wheel to pop the trunk, you can run me over. My screams, along with your laughter, would dance in the air with your entrance music playing loudly on your car stereo, as they all echo into eternity.  Well...anyway.

Shayna's earlier question, "You know who the father is?" does put one's mind in a rear chokehold... Did you all notice anything about last night's episode surrounding Becky, and even the contents of my post thus far? In both, virtually all of the congrats (and ill-wishes...ahem...Shayna) were directed solely at Becky. Hardly any mention of news was directed at Seth at all. There was, however, ONE moment when Seth was confronted by Rey Mysterio before their scheduled fight. Rey grumbled an almost indiscernible "happy for you," or something to that effect, after which a very disheveled and sweaty-looking Seth simply looked at Rey, blinked, breathed heavily some more (or is that just my lustful recollection), and walked off. Now, forget about the greater WWE roster that night completely disregarding Seth's part in the glad tidings, even Seth himself, the effing father (DILF now that he is), completely refused to acknowledge any of it himself! I know, he totally made me horny as hell.  I mean CONFUSED! He totally confused the crap out of me, is what I - is what I meant. Hmmph. Nevertheless, Seth's borderline fugue-state continued on through the rest of the night and even during his tag-team match with Buddy Murphy against Rey and Aleister Black. That is, up until he suddenly snapped out of it towards the end of the bout, flew into a roaring fit of rage, and ended up grinding Rey's right eye against the pointy edge of the steel ring-entry stairs, drawing "blood." Which was a pretty cool sequence. Afterwards, backstage, Seth seemingly had no recollection of committing such an atrocity as the medical staff wheeled Rey off-camera.

Where exactly does the WWE creative team plan to take this storyline with this new, deranged, ever-sweaty Seth Rollins? I, along with my quivering loins, cannot wait to find out.